At 18:

He should be compassionate, at least. There have to be some teenage boys with compassion!

He should be good with the parents.

He should have a goal.

He should know how to whittle wood.

We don't expect very much, to be honest.

At 27:

He should be reliable.

He shouldn't rely on text messaging as a tool of courtship.

He should have a "way" about him.

He should have traveled the world.

He should know how to cook one thing really well.

He should have a political affiliation.

He should, every now and then, substitute a light beer with Scotch on the rocks.

He should behave as if his mother raised him correctly — even if she didn't.

At 35:

He should not have a belly.

He should have decided on a sexual preference.

He should possess the thoughtfulness required to help a mom with a stroller and two kids up the stairs.

He should not have mommy issues.

He should have moved on from pickup lines to conversation starters.

He should want the party to end at some point.

At 44:

He should be a real partner.

He should still be eager to learn.

He should be able to sing along to all the songs on Boston's first album.

He should be financially secure.

He should understand the importance of jewelry in a woman's life.

He should take out the garbage without being asked.

He should be sexy.

He should be a gentleman.

At 53:

He should work out.

He should smell like something: aftershave or cologne.

He should know politics.

He should be faithful.

He should like Bob Dylan.

He should dance.

He should not be addicted to his work.

He should admit his mistakes.

You know, if you don't wanna stay in the marriage, there ARE other ways out...like just telling her. Instead...

Traditionally it's a divorce that makes a financial dent for a wealthy athlete like Tiger Woods. But it appears that in Tiger's case, it's going to cost him to stay with his wife, Elin Nordgren the mother of their two children.

A lawyer familiar with the hastily conducted negotiations of the past 72 hours said that as of Wednesday evening Elin has been offered a $5 million payment immediately if she agrees to stay—and her prenuptial agreement is being revised to give her up to an additional $55 million.

When the couple married on Oct. 5, 2004, at the Sandy Lane resort in Barbados, Elin signed a prenuptial agreement reportedly worth $20 million after 10 years of marriage, not considered a large payout for someone who was already as successful as Tiger by then.

But in light of a string of women coming forward to say they had affairs with Tiger since his marriage, Elin has demanded that the prenup be rewritten, Chicago Sun-Times columnist Bill Zwecker reported Wednesday. "The links legend's spouse is reportedly being paid a hefty seven-figure amount—immediately transferred into an account she alone controls—to stick with her husband," Zwecker wrote. "At this point, the couple needed to remain married for 10 years in order for Woods' wife to collect a splitsville settlement of $20 million. I'm being told that time frame has been shortened—and the dollar amount increased 'substantially.'"

The lawyer familiar with the couple's negotiations told The Daily Beast that Tiger also has agreed to shorten the original prenup to seven years from the date of marriage, meaning it will vest in another two. And the revised agreement provides for a staggered schedule of payments spread out over five years that could be worth upward of $75 million. So for Elin to collect $80 million, she'll need to stay with Tiger another seven years, be a dutiful wife in showing up with him at social events and in public as if they were still the perfect couple, and sign a nondisclosure form that will prevent her from ever telling her story. Even if she lasts only two more years, she'll still walk away with nearly twice what she was entitled to under the original prenup.

AND THEN FOR MY FAVORITE PART OF ALL THIS:

Tiger's advisers, who have successfully gotten the couple into counseling sessions, believe that keeping the marriage intact will help Tiger keep his corporate sponsors and bolster his dented image. Elin is herself considered a good asset. She's never been a publicity hound or used her marriage to make money through self-help books, lecture series, or QVC makeup and jewelry lines. Rather, she's just maintained a low profile and dedicated herself to being a spouse and mother.

Are you kidding me?!?!?! THAT is the reason they are in counseling? Wow...way to go Tiger. I used to have a ton of respect for ya...now, I just think you are a hell of a golfer.